This post is dedicated to all of the good drivers out there who have encountered other drivers who can, at best, be described as middling, or poor when operating a vehicle.

In our day and age, the car is ubiquitous. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the skills of the drivers themselves. Therefore, please find some guidelines herein targeted at those egregious drivers and developed in an effort to create greater harmony (and sanity) on the road. The guidelines below can be viewed as an essential supplement to current driving manuals.

1) To the “Over the liners”

Civil engineers have done much for our society. They ensure that our roads and bridges are up to snuff and I wouldn’t be surprised if they came up with the smart decision to paint those lovely white and yellow lines on the roads to guide each driver on his or her way. Those lines act as a perfect partition ensuring that drivers stay within their respective lanes. For some reason, however, there are some drivers who seem to enjoy playing ‘loosey goosey’ with those lines. You may have enjoyed colouring outside of the lines as a child, but the road is no place for creativity, or individuality. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but those lines are more than a mere suggestion.

2) To the “Slow-Brakers”

Red is a beautiful, bold and powerful colour. I happen to think that it is a great colour, but not when the red colour is coming from your brake lights, shining solidly, say 100 metres before you actually need to stop. Maybe I should give you the benefit of the doubt, as you may be testing the quality of your brakes. Trust me; from the vantage point of the driver behind you, your brakes are in perfect working order.

3)    To the “Non-signal Users”

Perhaps you’re trying to save the bulb, or you think that I am clairvoyant, but I cannot possibly know that you wish to switch lanes if you do not use your indicator. Just as there is a light for your brakes, there is also an indicator light, which provides other drivers with plenty of time to react to your desire to change lanes. And while I am on the topic of indicator lights, while it is, of course, preferable that you use them to indicate that you wish to switch lanes, it’s also advised that you turn off your signal once you have completed your manoeuvre. I would think that the consistent flashing of the light near your steering wheel, or annoying pinging sound would have alerted you to the fact that the light was still on, but nonetheless, please remember to turn it off once you’ve switched lanes.

4)     To the “Hoverers”

I understand, quite perfectly in fact, that each driver on the road has some place where they must be; however, most drivers would say that they find it discomfiting to have another driver ‘hovering’ behind them, passive(ly) (aggressively) challenging them to change lanes so that they can reach their destination much faster, even if the driver in front is already going 20 km over the speed limit (an example only of course). If the driver in front of you can see more than the outline of your face in their rearview mirror (say the exact shade of your lipstick, or the blemishes on your face), you are too close my friend.

5)     To the “Nose Pickers” (*While not directly related to driving skill, it struck me as particularly important to include this ‘no no’).

Please remember that windows work in a two-fold manner: Not only can you see out, but outsiders can also see in. Should you wish to dig for something out of your nasal passage, I would suggest that you do this only at home and not in your car…where we can all see you! Please conduct your scavenger hunt in private.

Thank you.

Signing off.

Y.

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